Today has been a rough day filled with severe pain. With six rare diseases and upcoming testing to confirm two additional ones, I have stopped trying to determine the cause. What I haven't stopped doing is trusting in Papa God. He is always faithful!
One of my "go to" verses that I recite when I'm feeling defeated or pressed in from every side is found in Exodus 14:14. It simply states, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Wow! Not only is God already handling the situation and dousing the fiery arrows of the enemy but I just need to stay out of His way by being still, communing with Him, and trusting Him. Even on rough days like today, I trust that He is fighting for me. When I can't see His hands at work, I choose to trust in His love for me.
Exodus 14:14 was written as the Israelites were fleeing Egypt. Moses longed to comfort and encourage the people. Through this verse, he reminded them of the "wonderful deliverance" God had brought them. He also reminded them that God heard and provided during their time of need. (Matthew Henry Complete Commentary) Sometimes, we need to be reminded too. This morning, God encouraged me through two wonderful praise times and an excellent sermon from my former youth pastor and the brother of my heart. May each of us be encouraged so that we can encourage others!
The stone was rolled away from the tomb and His body was gone. Where is His body? Someone must have stolen Him! Where could He be? These must have been the thoughts running through the minds of the women who went to care for Jesus' dead body. Luke 24:4 tells us that the women pondered this.
Angels appeared to them and asked, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ”Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’” (Luke 24:5-7)
There is the importance of Jesus rising on the third day. Firstly, the Talmud or Jewish burial practice required that a dead body be checked on the third day to ensure the person was truly dead. Putrefaction, or decay, of the body would have begun. This is why Jesus lingered when Lazarus died. After four days, Jesus knew Lazarus would truly be dead. Mary questions Jesus when He asks for the tomb to be opened because she knew that after four days of death there would be an awful stench coming from the tomb. Jesus had waited to ensure no one could deny His raising of Lazarus was a miracle.
Jesus predicts His third day Resurrection twenty-one times in the New Testament. Do you think He felt it was important for us to understand? I do! God was creating new life and covenant (eternal life through the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus and His subsequent Resurrection) with those who believe and confess their sins.
Jesus already did the hard work! Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Silent Saturday, and Resurrection Sunday are all about Jesus. I choose Jesus! Do you choose Jesus? He is my hope, my joy, my Savior! He gave me the greatest gift. One I didn't earn nor can I buy it. Simply, it is a gift of unfathomable, endless, unyielding grace, mercy, and love. He gave my all for me when I had nothing. How can I give Him any less than my all?
It was on the evening of Maundy Thursday that Jesus retreated to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray. He asked Peter, John, and James (John's brother) to join him. According to the Greek Lexicon, Gethsemane means oil-press. The garden was filled with olive trees. Merriam Webster refers to Gethsemane as a place of great agony and mental or spiritual anguish. When we think of Gethsemane, we often associate it with prayer. However, Jesus was anguished. In Matthew 26: 37-38, "he (Jesus) began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them (the disciples), 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.'" Luke 22:43-44 gives us another vivid picture of Jesus' torment: "An angel from heaven appeared to him (Jesus) and strengthened him. And, being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground."
You may be saying, "Jesus was tormented, anguished, sorrowful? He was Jesus!" Yes, He was and is and always will be Jesus. He willingly came to earth in human form. He knows the degradation and pain he's about to face. He asks God the Father to release him from this trial. Yet, he also said, not my will but Yours be done. When you think about Gethsemane, being an oil press for olives you can picture the immense pressure needed to squeeze the oil out of the olives. Now, return to Luke 22:44. Jesus' sweat was being pressed by anguish to the point that drops of blood were falling to the ground. Think of the pressure he had to be feeling. He knew that He was about to face a very agonizing death because He loved us so much that there wasn't any other choice for Him.
Later that evening, when he was arrested "Jesus answered, 'I told you that I am he. If you are looking for me, then let these men (the disciples) go.' This happened so that the words he had spoken (in His prayer in Gethsemane) would be fulfilled: “I have not lost one of those you gave me.'” (John 18:8-9) We've always believed that Jesus was all alone during His trial because the disciples abandoned Him. In Matthew 26:58 and Luke 22:54 we read that Peter followed Jesus at a distance, right up to the high priest's house while John 18:15 states that Peter and another disciple (John) were following Jesus. Because John was known to the high priest, he was permitted to enter and gained Peter entrance as well. John was also present at the crucifixion as noted in John 19:26-27, "When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved (John) standing nearby, he said to her, 'Woman,here is your son,' and to the disciple, 'Here is your mother.' From that time on, this disciple took her into his home."
Final ponderance about Jesus' trial: the High Priests took Jesus to the Roman government to be put to death because it was against their religion. Wouldn't them asking the government still leave Jesus' blood on their hands. Yes, it would. They are the ones who still shouted crucify Him. The Roman government could find nothing wrong in Jesus' actions. Pilate didn't want to crucify Jesus. He was stunned that the people would rather let Barnabas, a known murderer, go free than Jesus. The pressure of the people won out and Jesus died a violent death as it had been prophesied.
When you start a journey that consists of doctor appointments and testing, you can grow weary of learning what you don't have. To make an accurate diagnosis, doctors have to rule out the most likely suspects first. Then, they start thinking outside of the "normal" realms and start looking at the rare. There are approximately 7,000 rare diseases affecting 300 million people worldwide. I am one of those 300 million. One in 30 million people in the United States has a diagnosis of a rare disease. I am one of the 30 million. I have six rare diseases.
What makes a disease rare? For a disease to be declared rare, fewer than 200,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with that particular disease. Sadly, more than 90 percent of rare diseases are without an FDA approved treatment. Most treatments provided are administered to help the patient handle the side effects of the disease. For example, I take muscle relaxants to help ease the muscle spasticity and rigidity I experience from Stiff Person Syndrome, which affects one in one million people. I am one of those one million. Because it is so rare, doctors are still working to identify the best treatment methods while others haven't even heard of it much less treated a patient with this disorder.
Most people look at me and tell me that I look great. While I physically feel anything but great, I have a peace that exudes from me. God is my strength when I literally have no reserve energy to lift my foot up one more step or get up from the floor after a fall. He is my anchor in this storm.
I climb into bed every night, put on my silk cap and place my headgear on for my CPAP to help prevent me from having episodes when I don't breathe while sleeping. I have to sleep in a hospital bed to help prevent muscle spasms. The legs and head must both be raised. In the morning, I have great difficulty getting out of bed due to stiffness. My muscles don't want to move. I get out of bed and meet my mom in the living room where she usually has a cup of coffee waiting for me. I am wobbling more while using my cane and we have agreed that I need to use my rolling walker daily as it is safest because I have another rare disease called Dermatomyositis which causes muscle weakness and wasting. I have visible divets on my legs where the muscles have withered but you cannot see them hidden beneath my pant legs. We know that it is not a matter of if but when I will end up in a motorized wheelchair.
I also have to watch what I eat. I eat smaller meals throughout the day and cannot eat healthy food like whole grains, fresh fruit, and fresh vegetables because my system cannot digest food easily. I have another rare disease called Gastroparesis, which literally means my stomach muscles are paralyzed. I also try to eat softer food and avoid things that have been known to make me choke. Because of these diseases, I have difficulty swallowing at times. My speech also gets slurred when I am worn out. My chest muscles will also spasm making it difficult to breathe. Thankfully, an asthma inhaler helps to ease the spasms.
I have to take medication to prevent my intracranial pressure from increasing. This is due to my rare disease known as Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension. A lumbar puncture or spinal tap confirms that the medication is working. Praise God! I also have to be aware of my body to ensure I don't have an adrenal crisis. Finally, I am hypervigilant about handwashing, hand sanitizer, and avoiding crowds when the flu is at its worst. I have the rare disease Common Variable Immune Deficiency. Any virus and infection place me at a greater risk because my body doesn't have the ability to fight them.
Most days, God's joy exudes from within me. You need to know that I recently had tears streaming down my face as I admitted what my mom had already witnessed for herself: my health is getting worse and I am physically struggling more. Walking is becoming much more difficult. I am stiff, like a tin man needing oil after the rain. I am weaker and unable to stand for even shorter periods of time. I hurt as muscles stiffen and spasm sometimes causing damage in their wake as they leave bruises from broken vessels, sprained, strained, and torn muscles. After talking to my mom, I was listening to music when "Scars" by I Am They began streaming. As I sang it through my tears with each verse getting stronger with conviction, I hear my son say, "Now, that's my Momma!" I may be one in a million but these rare diseases don't define me. My identity firmly rests in being the daughter of my Papa God. He blesses me, has chosen me, He loves me, He redeems me, He forgives me, He has a purpose for me (Ephesians 1). Can He heal me? Yes. Like Paul, perhaps I am to endure these diseases as He uses my brokenness to bring Him glory. I'm honestly fine with that because I know He is fighting my battles for me (Exodus 14:14). He is my rock, my fortress, my refuge and my shield (Psalm 18:2). God is my deliverer (Psalm 144:2).
I will keep persevering with God as my leader. I will keep fulfilling His purpose for me. I will continue to let His peace envelop me and exude His joy. I will continue to count my diseases as a blessing for they bring Him glory. Don't give up, dear ones. No matter how bleak the day may seem, there is ALWAYS hope!
On a recent episode of NBC's New Amsterdam, they tackled the very real and heart wrenching topic of body shaming with grace and dignity. In Season 2 Episode 12: 14 Years, 2 Months, 8 Days, a patient has to be seen for an infection. She has recurring infections to both arms because she has been using stockings in an attempt to hide the sagging skin that resulted from her weight loss. She bares her heart and states that people stare more at her now then when she was fat.
As I watched the episode with my family, tears streamed down my face. My heart ached for this beautiful woman who was hurting. Like her, I have excess skin on my upper arms due to weight loss. I have been body shamed by strangers and loved ones alike. The difference is that I know I am God's beloved child.
Psalm 139:13-14 tells me and you, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." God created each one of us with love and care. He made us for a plan and a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11 paraphrased). You and I are His unique creations. We are His Beloved children. To Him, we are precious and priceless.
It can be difficult to believe these truths when the world around us tells us we aren't good enough. When we see beautiful, young women on TV and social media who appear flawless. Don't allow satan to use these lies to ensnare you. You are worth something. Everyone is. Each of us has a story to share that will help others and bring God glory. Furthermore, no one is flawless. Romans 3:22 states, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
As believers, we are called to "encourage one another and build each other up." (1 Thessalonians 5:11) I encourage each one of us, myself included, to encourage one another. Truly be there for others. Utilize the art of listening. Tell someone what you admire most about them. Small acts of kindness can make a huge impact.
Let's pray:
Papa God, we ask that You heal the wounds in each one of us. As You mend us, please allow Your light to shine through our brokenness and bring You glory. Help us to be mindful of our words and deeds. Help us to build up one another and be encouragers. For those who feel unloved, unwanted, unworthy, or not good enough, I ask that You please hold them close to You. Help them to see themselves as You do: worthy, loved, cherished, longed for, and more than enough. In Jesus' name, Amen!
*In accordance with the FTC guidelines, I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest, unbiased opinion.
From the moment you turn the cover, the action in A Cross to Kill starts and doesn't stop until you close the back cover. This riveting story draws you into the life of former CIA Agent John Cross. After God finds John and leads him to his own Damascus Road conversion, John simply wants to lead his small flock in a rural church. Unfortunately, his past has caught up to him. Now, he and reporter Christine Lewis, whom he rescued in Jordan, must work together to stop a terrorist attack. As they work together, sparks ignite between them. Will they be able to save the day? Will they have a chance to find love? To find out, you need to buy your own copy of A Cross to Kill: A Shepherd Suspense Novel Book One. Andrew Huff has masterfully crafted a suspense novel with just a hint of romance. He will have you cheering on the main characters and loving the quirky supporting characters as well. You won't be disappointed!
Before becoming an author, Andrew Huff spent ten years in local ministry. In addition to writing, Andrew is the Product Director at Igniter Media. He resides in Plano, Texas with his wife and two sons. To learn more about the author and his book, visit his website.
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